One of the weirdest parts of the job is the constant reminder of mortality. This week I looked after a patient who is young and has cancer, another who’s heart is failing and another who struggled with drug abuse. Now, I will say, as always I have no idea if this is just me or if it's other people too. The more I look after people who are far too young to be dying it just makes you think. It makes you think about the life you hope to lead, the life you might never get to live and all of it in between. It’s difficult sometimes to remember that this isn’t something everyone thinks about, talking about dying is a strange topic. When my grandad died it shook my entire family, he was the first to die. We looked after him in his last moments of life, which for me, is something I feel honoured that I got to do for the rest of my life. I guess with work it is so different, we see a tiny snapshot of this person's life and only see the initial shock of grief. What I learned when my grandad died was that grief is something that you then live with forever. I feel a constant pull between screw it let's live our life, spend all our money, who knows how long we get and then planning for the future like nothing could ever happen to me. Another part to nursing someone at the end of their life is the family dynamics. Like I said, it’s a snapshot of someone’s life. We treat everyone exactly the same, regardless of what they may have done in their life or not done, we are there. I think the difficulty of this is that the family may not respond how we think. When we looked after my grandad, I would like to think that the joy of his life and the love of his family could be felt the minute you walked in. I guess the reality is not everyone’s family is like that. Often we are the people holding their hands as they take their last breath, the shoulder to cry on when the family is inconsolable and worst of all having to call someone to tell them their loved one has died. It’s a big part of our jobs and a big part of life. The people who make this easier are the team’s we work with and the people we go home to. I must say I am incredibly lucky, the team I have around me is amazing. The laughter we share and I think just the deep understanding that sometimes we don't need to say it, we all get it. Sharing a coffee together at the nurse’s station and debriefing or changing the subject entirely is truly what makes the day easier. I think we can all agree when I say that it’s rubbish when anyone dies. Being a nurse we see it more than most, if we can help people be comfortable and at peace then we have done the very best we can. At the end of the day that is all we can do. 

Welcome. I’m Lauren, a 28 year old wife, dog lover and nurse. For the first post on my brand new blog I thought it would make the most sense to actually explain who I am and why I have something I wanted to say. Firstly, I have been a nurse for nearly 3 years and for most of it I have worked within respiratory including more recently pleural clinic. Secondly, I love my job. Lastly, I sometimes find that job challenging in ways I never realised possible and more rewarding than I can probably express. I wanted to start this blog as a space where the angry moments can be vented, the sad moments get their moment of silence and the joy gets the laughter and celebration it deserves.